Love and Maturity

A first love can be quite painful, its intensity comparable to an infant’s unmet desire for food or touch.

Young immature love seeks to fulfill an unmet need.  Seeking comfort in the form of reassurance that you are indeed lovable, or yearning attentiveness to fill a void borne of experiences of feeling ignored, neglected or unimportant. Sometimes a love-relationship becomes the battleground where power is wielded: each skirmish a struggle for control and domination.  Inflicting pain or humiliation appears a measure of strength and the capacity for aggression the weapon.  For others, this relationship is the theater where the drama of martyrdom and self-sacrifice is acted out, and harm and suffering are in the script.

Immature love finds solace when it feeds the needs of the wounded self.  Giving is manifest with self-interest and measured in proportion to receiving.   Hungry and scared, it craves its next dose, holding one’s affection from the other as hostage.  Each one’s weakness manifests as strength in another, the struggle over power to control the other’s behavior.  Persisting brinkmanship suggests a looming possibility of an all out war.  The ultimate weapon is the threat of sustained withdrawal that can persist in silence and distance despite all manner of attacks.

Mature love is that which bleeds a thousand wounds, yet endures in strength and beauty.  Withstanding sorrows and separation, its resilience is an indicator for its maturity.   The adaptability of mature love allows for durability  – it can bend without breaking, weave without warping, and transform while retaining its truth in its essence.

Mature love finds meaning in its own purity, its purpose and procedure are one and the same: love for the sake of loving and loving for love itself.  A mature loving relationship engenders beauty in its many forms; it is a force of creation, harmony and peace.

1 Comment

  1. Alya Says:

    like the stillness of balance created by torque. the brimming cup which does not overflow. not a drop more may be added to its prefect tensive dance with the rim. take one drop out and it is no longer possible to maintain that quivering fullness. rock on shaz.

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