Attachment and letting go

Whoever said relationships are not easy was lying.

They are.  They should be. EASY.

It’s working on yourself that is hard.  It’s working on your own reactions and misdemeanors that is the biggest challenge.

How you judge how another person behaves, or whether or not that person conforms to your expectations is about YOU not about them.

The essential ingredient to all loving relationships is our capacity to stride the very delicate line between attachment and letting go.

Attachment is in essence, our neediness.

Lets face it, we are needy.

When it comes to wanting the feeling of being loved, approved of, cared for, needed, looked up to or whatever, it’s to relationships we turn.

The letting go part is about wanting what is best for the other person (and this does NOT contradict what is best for you in ANY way).

Letting go, is about releasing the expectations we carry that the other person is there for the sole purpose of fulfilling our needs.

It’s about a deep, deep knowing that it’s up to us to love, to give, to share what we can from a place of abundance, expecting nothing in return, except the gift of expansion.

Because when we love deeply, unconditionally, that is when the heart expands.  And when it expands, it opens to receiving.

It is when we cannot find it within ourselves to love this unconditional love – that is when we have to walk away.

Because that is what is best, for her, for him, for both.

Because every single one of us is lovable and loving. and if that was not the case, you would not find yourself mangled in an emotional knot, in the first place.

It is the love that brought you here.  Now the work is about knowing your own limitations, your own boundaries – your own neediness. And loving yourself despite these.

So when it comes to giving and taking, demands are just means of control.

Control is simply neediness manifested in bullying, rule-making, imposition of lines and borders.

Negotiation is a means by way of control, and power is bartered and allocated.

Love will die when the parties are in it for control.
It will strangle and suffocate.

In a situation of conflict, demands imposed and expectations strewn, ask yourself this:

What are my own expectations in this situation?  How do i want to control this interaction?
Breathe and release.  Breathe and release.

Be free to love. Be free to share. Be free to give. Be free to receive… and be patient.

Attachment and letting go

Attachment and letting go


  1. Alya Says:

    It is the love that brought me here. And that is what keeps me here. Now it is a matter of submitting to that need. Letting go of all the past hurts and disappointments that affected me and caused my ego to protect me. And sadly, continue to affect me. Now, it is a matter of breaking free of the bondage of that pain. I do not need to endure it any longer. I can allow myself to need, to love and to expect. Knowing i have learned to take good care of myself – i can do that right here, now. I choose to explore those beautiful vistas i was unable to, because i was fearful of letting go of my fears. I am, in this very moment, powerful and brave and open to more love. Because there is so much there for me…

  2. Alya Says:

    Perhaps the attachment to examine is the attachment to not let go… Maybe that is the one of the zones of potential vulnerability…

  3. Shazia Says:

    The ultimate need is the need to let go.

    But first we must recognize and be compassionate with the self that needs security and fulfillment, and then cultivate the ability to put those needs aside and act in the best interest of the other – with abandon, and without fear.

    Vulnerability is always there to remind us – because we cannot know what it is to love fearlessly unless we have experienced our cowardly self cowering as it confronts the risk of rejection, abandonment, betrayal…

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